The most agonizing month in my life
Sunday, May 25, 2008 5:48 PM
This month has been the most painful month for me. My friends who are closest to me will know what happened. She's my most beloved person in this world. Noone, n i mean NO ONE, can be compared to her. In my heart, she's my dearest, and no one can replace her in my heart. Why, why is heaven so cruel to take her away from me so early in life? Why can't it let her enjoy life longer? n to tink i didnt even get the last look b4 she went.
I might have been a bad gal to her for this short 25 yrs, but i've always loved her wif all my heart. I might have caused her a lot of white hair, caused her short-temperness, but she's my dearest.
My deepest regret is that i did nt spend much time during her last moments. I pratically was out of the hse 3/4 of the day. I admit, i'm scared. I'm scared tat she'll leave. I'm afraid tat it'll be the last time tat i see her. N how true it was when i finally went to visit her on the 3rd day she was admitted to the hospital. My aunt called me the day b4 n said tat she's in critical condition, n i even hang up on her. in my heart, i don't wanna believe it, but tat's the truth, n i juz dont want to accept it.
I was having my driving test on the day she went to heaven. i was on the road when tat happened. when i finished my test, i took out my phone, i den saw the msg my aunt sent me. since my sis was taking her adv. theory as well, i decided to wait for her n went to the hospital together. on they way, we juz culdnt control our emotions n cried all the way there in a cab.
when we reached there, all of my maternal aunts n uncles were there, and some of her close frens. still, til then, even after i touched her, i still don't want to accept the truth. when i touched her, her body was cold. so cold tat it was freezing. i wanted to climb onto the bed and hug her, to give her body warmth, but i culdnt. i wanted to give her a last kiss goodbye, but i culdnt. the only thing i can do was to touch her face n whispered in her ear tat we'll be good n ask her to put down everything n leave for a better place.
yes, i agree, her leaving was in a way better for her, she'll nt suffer anymore. but i juz can't imagine she's nt here anymore. even nw, as i was writing this, i still don't wan to accept it. i felt juz like yesterday when she's sitting beside watching korean drama together.
what sadden me was tat she didnt even get to see @ least 1 of her child marry, n have to grandchild to dote. she left too young, far too young. she could have a few more yrs more... she could enjoy for more yrs to come. y some baddies can live for longer yrs than her while she's been good n has been charity work all these yrs, n yet leave so early? tat's nt fair. life's nt fair!!
~~The End~~