A wonderful yet sad day
Saturday, June 10, 2006 12:59 AM
Today June 09 2006, I went to the zoo (yet again) with my friends. Jo managed to get 2 taka zoo cards and it can admit up to 8 people. So, Jo, her cousin, Jan, Huiping, me, my sis and my 2 cousins went.
Early in the morning when I woke up at 7:00am, the sky is already starting to darken. By the time I am to leave to house, around 8:00am, it started drizzling. I'm supposed to pick up my cousins and when I got to my aunt's house, the rain was raining heavily. I was wondering if heaven was not supposed to let me have an outdoor trip today, or if something bad will happened if I go ahead.
After I reached my aunt's place, my cousins were already bathed. They ate their breakfast and dilly-dally here and there, and we left the house at 9:20am to catch the bus to interchange, where I meet my friends. We were supposed to leave at 9am as I planned to bring them for breakfast, but they already had theirs at home, so I went to buy a packet of soya milk and some snacks to eat on bus.
When we reached interchange, the rest were already there waiting for me as I'm late. My sis was joining us last min, so we waited for her too. We missed 1 bus while we waited for one another. So, we ended up to have to wait for like 15 mins before the next bus came.
The journey to zoo was relatively short. It too less than half an hour to reach. When we reached, we went in and bought a ticket for the tram and we took it for most of our way. *All right, i'll make it ishort and simple* We saw a lot of animals and the 1st show we went to is the elephant @ work show. it was nice, but not very interesting. Next we rushed to children's world to catch a show that Jan had missed it thrice when she was here last time. It was the animal friends show. After that, we rushed to another show which is at the amphitheatre, a mammal show. During the trip, one of my cousins (who was already not feeling well) fell sick. After the mammal show, we went on for lunch and my cousin could not eat. I managed to gave her a few mouthfuls of rice, and a cup of milo. I took her home immediately after lunch. I wanted to take her home earlier, but my sis and other cousin need to eat too, so we decided to go home after that.
As usual, after some dilly-dallying, we managed to board on the bus at around 3:30pm. When we're supposed to go home earlier, if not for the dilly-dallying. My friends remained at the zoo to walk around some more, while we went home. On the bus, my sick cousin slept the whole journey. When she woke up, she felt much better. When we got home, she went for a bath and went to sleep. Me and my sis and my cousin, who got his mother's permission, went for dinner with my friends. The dinner is one of the plan for the zoo trip today.
We went to toa payoh first, den went to orchard to join them for dinner. We went to Sakura for buffet dinner, and it cost me a bomb! I need to pay for 4 shares inc a child pric. It costs me almost 100 bucks!
After dinner, we went for a breather as we ate too much, as time is getting late, I had to get my cousin back home soon, so we left earlier than Jan n Jo. When we reach home, my aunt started yelling. For what? not for getting home later mind you. It for the airbrush tattoo that is printed on my cousin's hand. It's only a normal airbrush tattoo, it will drop off after 2 to 3 days. What the big fuss? I don't get it! She keep ordering my cousin to take it off and reluctantly, my cousin did it. Yes, I know he's still in pri sch, but now it's sch hols. And it's only a cute innocent elephant picture on it, what's the big deal? Anyway, we got away before she continued yelling.
Now, I started to wonder, if I'm a bad influence on my cousins? If I'm the one who caused them to be sick. It seemed to me that everytime they went out with me and/or my sis, they always got sick the next day. Why is it so? And today, it got worse! My cousin got a scolding from his mother and he cried.
I was wondering if I should stay away from them, so I won't cause them to be sick or be scolded. Maybe I should, yeah? Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't hang out with them, then they won't have all those problems. I shouldn't have brought them to the zoo in the first place. I shouldn't have allowed us to have that tattoo thingy. Hell, I shouldn't get too close to them from the beginning!
Well, from now on, I think I'll stay away from them, from all of my cousins, from everyone! My life is destinied to be lonely. I shouldn't have anyone close to me. I should stay a distance from everyone, so I won't get them into trouble. Maybe I should do it now! I'm a jinx, no matter what I do, everyone around me will get into trouble cause of me.
It's not only my cousins who got a scolding today. Even my sis also. They got nagged by my parents on concentrating on their studies. This made me realised that it was me who keep asking my sis to go out. It was me that my sis always go out. It was me that my sis didn't study. Everything was me.
Why?
Why must this happened to me? Because I don't really trust heaven? Because I don't really trust deities? Because I'm not sincere in praying? Why must this happened to me?
Although I always tell myself to believe in fate. What am I is what am I. I cannot change. I cannot change my destiny. I have to take my destiny as it is.
Sometimes I really want to disappear from this world. Totally disappear. So that I won't bother anyone. So that I won't cause anyone into trouble. Sometimes I really do wonder, how come so many people die, I don't? Those people who don't deserve to die died, those people who deserved to die didn't die. One of them is me. Why?
If I die, everyone around me will be free of trouble. It will be a relief for everyone. I'm sure, 100% sure, that after I die, no one, I mean NO ONE will remember there's a girl like me ever existed. My family will live happily ever after in fours, my friends will forget that in the past there's a girl by the name of Claire who was friends with them. NO ONE will ever remember Claire. Everything about me, or regarding me will be erase from their mind. Totally wiped out, clean and clear.