is this me?
Monday, May 23, 2005 12:12 AM
I realise i have 2 faces. 2 personalities, 2 characters. not the very tremendous change thou. i dun noe, i realise, when i'm wif someone close to me, i may be of 1 character, but when i'm wif a stranger or someone not tat close, like colleagues, i may be of a 2nd character. my 1st character is very relaxed, very talkative, a bit stubborn n gets angry pretty easily. my 2nd character is more reserved, very quiet, likes to smile, everything is yes, or juz nod my head in agreement. i dun noe..... i'm afraid thou, i didn't tell anyone abt this.... even my friends notice this. when i go out wif em, i'm always the one talking, when their friends join in, i suddenly became very very super quiet. n dey kept asking y i'm so quiet. sometimes, i feel like i'm an typical introvert. i dun dare to make the 1st move to make friends. it's always other ppl make friends wif me. it's always the others to make the talking first. i'm a nature quiet person. even my grandma says i won't be able to be a lawyer when i grow up. cuz i can't talk. somehow or rather, i feel like i'm a jinx. yes, i didn't type wrongly, i feel like i'm a jinx! i'm a born loner. i dun have much friends, most of my friends have their own grp of friends, i'm always left alone, no one to accompany. :( their own grp of friends always have the priority first. i'm always the last. wat am i, a stand-in? everyone took me 4 granted. sometime i tink, even when i die, none of my friends will noe. whenever i wanted to date them go shopping, they'll always say they r meeting wif their friends already. i always feel tat whenever i'm arnd, bad things will happen. like when i watch a match on tv, live telecast, whoever i support will always lose. when i tune away to other channels, the one i support will always win. i dun noe y but i juz keep having this feeling. when i older, i'll definately be alone. cuz all arnd me will have a life on their own. no one will bother about me. sometimes i wonder, y not i juz kill myself now? i'll not tat unhappy if i died. i'm pretty sure tat i'll be alone 4 the rest of my life without family, friends, n other half (my life partner). i dun noe y, i juz can't tink postive, it's always negative things i kept tinking abt. since i'll be alone 4 the rest of my life, y not i end my life now, to stop being a burden to the sociaty. anyway i'm the xtra one. i hope none will be reading this, thou i did publish it out.....